It’s not strange
I know how it works
The universe works in its own way
You will be where you are meant to be
You will be removed from where you are not meant to be
You will be where you are needed
As a light worker
You will always be where you are needed
And you will be removed where your work is done
It doesn’t always feel nice
It is not always nice not being in control
Today however
Today was
I dithered
Tube or train
I dithered
Now or the next one
Eventually I made the move
Always rushing
Always consumed by rushing
Always consumed!!!!!
And there she was
I get on the tube
I had stepped on the carriage before her one and got off
Because this was obviously where I was meant to be
I had a plan of where I would be getting off
Where I should be getting off
But there she was
She looked so small in the little seat
She was sobbing and her mascara was smeared all over her face
Her tissue looked incompetent and dirty
People can be so British
They just sit and stare
I was born here but my orgins make that behaviour foreign to me!
I didn’t ask if she was ok
Clearly she wasn’t
I took her hand
She looked up and smiled
I said
Amazing how no one can see you isn’t it!
I said
I see you!!!
Maybe you need to hear that today
I see you!!
I said
Is funny
You could be me
You are me
This was me just a few days ago
Except I was at a bus stop and I don’t wear make up so no mascara to evidence the turmoil
I said
It’s hard
I see you
I said
I couldn’t help it
The other day
On any of the days that you have been me
The other day
I sobbed
It came from nowhere
I cried for Janice
She died
She is dead
She was 48
I’m 40
I cried for my spirit that is slowly slipping away from me
I cried for the loss of him
He is alive
But he has left
He just left
And now he has to be dead to me
That’s kind of worse….
I said
I cried for the loss of my strength
I cried because the strength of the pain is sometimes to strong to be muzzled!
No one said a word to me
I said
They just looked on all British like
So
I see you I said
She didn’t let go of my hand
You will be ok
I said
You will
Trust me
I know things
I wouldn’t be here if you wasn’t meant to know that you will be ok!
She sobbed more
I held onto her hand
I missed several stops
I didn’t even ask her name
It didn’t seem to matter
She was me and I was her so it didn’t seem to matter
I reached into my bag and as I offered her a wet wipe the other one us that had got on and immediately sat on her other side, simultaneously offered a pink petal from a flower
There are no accidents
Who walks around with pink petals in brown hand bags!
She smiled then
She tried to say thank you through the tears
As I got up to get off I gave her a hug
She held on so tight
I whispered that she will be ok
It will be ok
You are seen
You are Loved
You are needed
You will be ok
You will get through this feeling
Maybe not gracefully
But you will get through it
You are me so if I can you can do the same
She held on tight
I feel lighter now
Maybe I needed her as much she never knew that she would receive me!
Just when I think I’m empty
I am reminded that I am Love and Love is me!
I cannot be depleted!
I will always be where I am meant to be!
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