Cubic Zirconia

Cubic Zirconia

Pretty isn’t he?

No beautiful

Beautiful isn’t he?

There is a richenes in his thick skin

His definition appears sculptured

Beautiful isn’t he?

Is he?

Which eye are you assessing him with?

Is he beautiful?

Or his beauty only Outwardly?

Is his beauty deeper than the depth of his skin?

When I look at him

Now that I can see him

When I look at him eyes that are not shaped like hearts, goggles or needles!

When I look at him through eyes that see and are objective so that they do not feel….

There is nothing, there is no beautiful under his beautiful skin……

When I look at him

Now that I can see him

When I look at him eyes that are not shaped like hearts, goggles or needles!

When I look at him through eyes that see and are objective so that they do not feel….

I see a lie

I see a Lier….

He is a lie- a lie that is beautiful (to the blind eye!) but a lie none the less…

He is a lie!- appeasing ascetic’s with brazen deception- Deceiving and blinding vicariously via camouflage of Beautiful Black Man!…:

He is a lie

Deceiving and blinding… dishonest In his appropriation of trust and time… dishonest in his appropriation of friendship and union… dishonest in his appropriation of black woman strength, self worth and value!

When I look at him

Now that I can see him

When I look at him eyes that are not shaped like hearts, goggles or needles!

When I look at him through eyes that see and are objective so that they do not feel….

There is nothing, there is no beautiful under his beautiful skin…..

He is a power conductor….

Using deception of beautiful black man to enable ease of entry through needle eyes!!!….

He is not real!…

Or Whole……

His Beauty is not authentic…..

He is a master of disguise!

A Recidivist…..

Skilled in the dishonest appropriation of Love from you me and she!- (The worst kind of thief!)

Too coward to face the demons created in his image!

Selfishly tying you and she (not me) by way of false love penetrated so deep that soul’s and spirits are stained …….traumatised…. so severely that they hold it and his secret within……

Pretty isn’t he?

No beautiful

Beautiful isn’t he?

There is a richenes in his thick skin

His definition appears sculptured

Beautiful isn’t he?

Is he?

Which eye are you assessing him with?

© KLove 21/02/18
All Rights Reserved

#writer #femalenonpoet

#biographicwritting #poetry #selflove #

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#investinself#selfloveworkshops #kloveismbrand #kloveismsupport

#klovesyou

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IN-Ventory


I have to keep checking in on myself
I am having to repeatedly ask myself If I am ok.

To check that I am keeping it together….

Because currently, presently, in this climate, in these last few months of 9 months of continuous fuckry and fuckers….

It would be all to easy to unravel!

And that’s OK!

To know it, to feel it, to speak it and on it is OK!

I am not here to pretend.

I am in no competition with anyone named Jones!

I am not here to keep up with any falsification or idealism!

I am not here in this space, on this forum, in this time to play games!

I will neither hide nor seek!

I will be

I can only be and speak the truth in and for Me!

Which I have learnt is the same as for us!

I am here to speak and talk on what most wont!

When there is sun and happiness I revel in and under and I spread it like young love on heat!!

So in the same way when there is nonsense and bullshit and anxt, I call it, I speak on it, I engage with and confront because if I don’t…… 

If I don’t I dishonour my Unique!

I have said it before, I will say it again and I will continue to say that positivity is not constant sunshine, smiles and fun!

Positivity is the the decisions that you make, the approach that you take, how you handle and outwardly express and manage the alone, how you walk and find your way in and out of the dark, how you decipher your position when it seems to going terribly wrong!

Positivity is your ability to hold others up when strong is something that has felt void in you for so very long!

© KLove 21/02/17 
All Rights Reserved

#writer #femalenonpoet #biographicwritting #poetry #selflove #selfhealing #artist #feminism #blacklove #mindfulness #mindfulliving #instagood #youngwomen #buildingwomen#buildingus#lovingmentoo #femaleunity #youareok

#investinself#selfloveworkshops #kloveismbrand #kloveismsupport

#klovesyou

The 09th September 2017!

It’s not strange 
I know how it works

The universe works in its own way

You will be where you are meant to be 

You will be removed from where you are not meant to be

You will be where you are needed

As a light worker 

You will always be where you are needed 

And you will be removed where your work is done

It doesn’t always feel nice

It is not always nice not being in control 

Today however 

Today was

I dithered

Tube or train

I dithered 

Now or the next one

Eventually I made the move

Always rushing

Always consumed by rushing

Always consumed!!!!!

And there she was

I get on the tube 

I had stepped on the carriage before her one and got off 

Because this was obviously where I was meant to be

I had a plan of where I would be getting off

Where I should be getting off

But there she was 

She looked so small in the little seat

She was sobbing and her mascara was smeared all over her face

Her tissue looked incompetent and dirty

People can be so British 

They just sit and stare

I was born here but my orgins make that behaviour foreign to me!

I didn’t ask if she was ok

Clearly she wasn’t

I took her hand 

She looked up and smiled

I said

Amazing how no one can see you isn’t it!

I said

I see you!!!

Maybe you need to hear that today

I see you!!

I said

Is funny

You could be me

You are me

This was me just a few days ago

Except I was at a bus stop and I don’t wear make up so no mascara to evidence the turmoil

I said

It’s hard 

I see you

I said

I couldn’t help it

The other day

On any of the days that you have been me

The other day 

I sobbed

It came from nowhere

I cried for Janice 

She died

She is dead

She was 48

I’m 40

I cried for my spirit that is slowly slipping away from me

I cried for the loss of him

He is alive 

But he has left

He just left 

And now he has to be dead to me

That’s kind of worse….

I said 

I cried for the loss of my strength 

I cried because the strength of the pain is sometimes to strong to be muzzled!

No one said a word to me 

I said

They just looked on all British like

So 

I see you I said

She didn’t let go of my hand

You will be ok 

I said

You will

Trust me

I know things 

I wouldn’t be here if you wasn’t meant to know that you will be ok!

She sobbed more

I held onto her hand

I missed several stops

I didn’t even ask her name

It didn’t seem to matter

She was me and I was her so it didn’t seem to matter

I reached into my bag and as I offered her a wet wipe the other one us that had got on and immediately sat on her other side, simultaneously offered a pink petal from a flower

There are no accidents

Who walks around with pink petals in brown hand bags!

She smiled then

She tried to say thank you through the tears 

As I got up to get off I gave her a hug

She held on so tight

I whispered that she will be ok

It will be ok

You are seen 

You are Loved

You are needed 

You will be ok

You will get through this feeling

Maybe not gracefully 

But you will get through it

You are me so if I can you can do the same 

She held on tight

I feel lighter now

Maybe I needed her as much she never knew that she would receive me!

Just when I think I’m empty

I am reminded that I am Love and Love is me!

I cannot be depleted!

I will always be where I am meant to be!

©21/02/17 
All Rights Reserved

Milk Carton

Sometimes I wish that I could just disappear.
Just vanish.
Milk carton, face on that ad in the metro, Dorothy no place like home stylee!

Divorce from my family, their BS and negativity.

Just me myself and I, way down under, or way up high. Wherever I am destined. I care not any longer. So over these tears that these stupid friggin people continuously milk from my eyes.

Making me feel guilty for decisions that I have been forced to make, decisions made when I had to push past myself to save myself,
in order to save me, in order to survive.

Why do I have to be constantly dragged into their historical dysfunction and negativity. This shit is and was long before me.
Why do I have to be dragged into their battle which clearly none of them will ever win, and actually, will continue, only to be stopped when they are all laying face down or horizontally.

IM DONE

How many F-in times do I need to tell them about my 99 problems.
F them and their ones!

If I were to tell them anything, it would be this:

“I will not allow you to drag me down with you. I will not be another casualty to this family pattern. Not after all of this work that I have put in.

I AM DONE

On the Kalms again tonight! because you are too selfish to consider what your spiteful and hate filled words would have done. Because you have and are only able to think of yourself, to consider number 1!

I do not like you and for you I do not recognise any Love. Although on account of my biological make up and despite you, I know that deep down there must be some.

In the name of my well being and my sanity, in the name of who I have worked so hard to and continue to strive to become, I EMANCIPATE MYSELF FROM BEING YOUR RELATION!

DO YOU HEAR ME!

I AM MORE THAN FUCKING TIRED, I AM SO FUCKING DONE!

I will say this one last time, so you had better understand, I am NOT interested in any of it, or any of you, except the remaining nephew, my brother, the son and to an extent because she is so intertwined with you all, the Gran one. The dead one must be rolling in his grave, watching who and what you have all become.

When you are visible you disrupt my coping mechanisms! And none of you will be there to help clean up proverbial mess when it hits the fan. It won’t be you. It never has. I will have to pull myself through the shit and the darkness on my own like I have always done.

You have never been here like a family should, I had to raise me and the remaining nephew, my brother, the son. I have had to find my way through this. I TAUGHT MYSELF HOW TO BE A BLACK WOMAN!

If you continue to force your issues and your anger, and your bitterness onto me, I promise you that I will do whatever I have to do to be free.

So, and for the sake of clarity,

Please do not call, text, email, carrier pigeon, please do not even think of me.

I no longer want to be a part of you, or this so called family.

AS OF WHEN THE LAST WORD IS WRITTEN

I RELEASE ME ”

© KLove 2013

When it hurts so bad!

Lauren has often asked me why when it hurts so bad it feels so good?
I have never known the answer.

Maybe because the question is rhetorical.
Maybe because there is so much truth in the words. In her words.

There is no hiding from the fact that when I am feeling overwhelmed. When the slightest thing feels like the largest. When my 99 problems feel so voluminous that I could not contemplate managing another one, he comes to mind.

Sitting, cockily, mockingly, assuredly, perfectly, at the forefront.

In the midst of all the angst, he magically appears. Like that final punch that floors you for longer than the count. You can’t get up.

I don’t know whether him being there, makes things better or worse.

It already hurts, It already feels unbearable, the pressure is already 2 minutes away from popping the lid, the pain is already stained on my soul in red, the angst has already moulded its way into and now set in every possible and previously tender body part so that I am now rigid with it, I already feel so weak that breathing feels like my punishment……..so him being there, when I am hurting so bad, does feel good.

I don’t know why I searched for the picture.
There was only one left after the other me pressed delete on all of our memories of him.
I searched through the email box until I found it. The picture the friend had taken and sent to me.

And then the image was real. Really real. Not in my head real, but in front of my eyes real.
And seeing that happy time, those 2 happy people who were so close and bonded and best friends and LOVE, BUT who are now strangers and pain to me….Hurt so bad! so bad.

And Lauren just keeps on “telling” me this same question and I still don’t know the answer. If I did I would make it stop!

Because I feel it…
because right now, in this moment, as present as I have honestly been in a long time, and for many reasons and on account of many things and non things, and over thoughts, and feelings, and secrets and HIM, and people and life and LOVE and dreams and EVERYTHING… I am hurting! AND IT FEELS SO BAD! like a fist has punched through my chest and pulled out my beating heart!
The pain is the emptiness and the absent beat.

But seeing his face, FEELS SO GOOD!

And I would give anything for one more glance, for a sniff, for a touch, of him…

Fully aware that it would hurt so bad, I wouldn’t care…..

Because, it would feel SO GOOD!
© KLove 2013

Tainted Love.

Is it the lack of Love, or the stain of him that has erased all of my goodness?

Why do I no longer feel good, or whole, or me?

Yet I still feel Love.

Why do I question the truth of friends, family, people? most of the time I dont want them near me.

Yet I still feel Love.

How is it that this paranoia and anxiety and this other me can be so powerful and consuming and destructive and addictive?

Yet I still feel Love.

Why do I continue to miss him even though he is pure pain and dark and all of the above AND YET I STILL FEEL LOVE!

Why do I not feel like me?

When I am Love.

Jill tells me that:

“Some of them wanna break you down, steal your crown
Use and abuse you.
Some of them smile in your face, cause they heard it some place,
You got more then their used to
Some of them want to steal your love, Cuz they’re jealous of …how you’re living and giving
Some of them, oh they stab you in your back, cuz it’s love they lack.
Some of them won’t even try …to see the good inside”

I know this to be true.

Maybe I give it away?

Yet I still feel Love.

I still Love Love- Even when It hurts, Even when I hurt- Even when it doesnt Love me!

Singing…….

“I keep
Moving forward, pressing onward, striving further
I keep
Keep on laughing, keep on living, keep on loving yeah
I keep
Keep on dreaming keep on achieving, keep on believing
I keep
I keep smiling when I come thru …and I cry when I need too.
I keep
Moving forward, pressing onward, striving further
I keep
Keep on laughing, keep on living, keep on loving yeah
I keep
Keep on dreaming keep on achieving, keep on believing
I keep on , keep on living, keep on learning , keep on smiling ooh ooh yeah
Keep on laughing, keep on living, keep on loving yeah
I keep
Keep on dreaming, keep on believing, keep on achieving.
I keep smiling when I come thru, and I cry when I need to
I keep on , keep on keeping on.
I keep ,keep on keep keepin on keep keeping on” (Jill Scott)

Always Love and Light,
KLove

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© KLove 2013

Requiring Love!

I don’t always know where the tears come from, or why, sometimes they just come!

They catch me off guard, or in an inappropriate place!

Yet they are always on time!

Feeling empty
Empty, lost,alone!

The quiet from the aloneness sounds so loud amongst the words,thoughts,emotions surrounding me!
Stifling me!

Feeling the absence
Missing the feeling
Missing the touch

Requiring Love!

and affection
and touch
and smell

Requiring Love!

I don’t always know where the tears come from. Or why!
Sometimes they just come!

Today as always, they right on time!

KLove
© KLove 2013

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