Moonshine

These Moons!🙍🏽🤦🏾‍♀️💆🏾

They incite the unspoken emotions, the unspoken words, the feelings that have been buried in reading books and distraction.

There is only so long one can distract from oneself!

There are only so many words, other people’s word and stories that you can hide behind!

These last 2 moons have followed me.

They have watched me sleep and followed me on the run.

But what do you do with the unspoken words that you can’t speak unto anyone but your distraction.

The unspoken words that make those who should do better by you uncomfortable!

What can you do but swallow them and hope that they do not cause you to contract!

These moons!

There is much hate in this love that we have.

Staring at me will not make me spit!

It’s neither lady like nor refined!

Staking me will not coherse me from the tip of this verbal breakdown!

Shining a light on me will not make me strip!

If you looked deep enough, you will see that I am already bare!

There is nothing left but bile!

These Moons!

Incite the now waterless tears.

© KLove 2017

All Rights Reserved

#writer #femalenonpoet #biographicwritting #poetry #selflove #selfhealing #artist #feminism #blacklove #mindfulness #mindfulliving #instagood #youngwomen #buildingwomen#buildingus#lovingmentoo #femaleunity #youareok

#investinself#selfloveworkshops #kloveism

Advertisements

The Process

I have been berating myself for not writing enough this year.

And then I open my books and find several words on several pieces of paper!

And realise that there are 100 plus notes in my phone🙍🏽

Some just one word ( to remind me of a thought or feeling I imagine)

And I realise that, I have been processing

I have, been writing it out

I have, been writing as therapy

Just not in the way that I normally do

There is no order

No neatness

No prescription

There has been no control

I have been emulating my mindset

I have been enumulting the inside of my head and my heart!

© KLove 21/02/17 <b
Rights Reserved

#writer #femalenonpoet #biographicwritting #poetry #selflove #selfhealing #artist #feminism #blacklove #mindfulness #mindfulliving #instagood #youngwomen #buildingwomen#buildingus#lovingmentoo #femaleunity #youareok

#investinself#selfloveworkshops #kloveism

Amongst the Silence

I have become able in the ability to own who I am, what I do, how I feel, how I love, how I interact and don’t interact, how I feel and don’t feel, who I like and who I don’t like, why I like and don’t like, why I will never be the same with some people again but can still love them from a distance, why I prefer to be with just me yet crave presence, how I can be with just me and yet crave a presence, who I see in my sadness and who I hear in my joy, why I feel so much yet feel numb for the most part!

I have become able in the ability to own who I am, what I do, how I feel, how I love!

I have become able in the ability to own who I am! Through all of my times, through all of my periods, through all of the getting through, I have become able in the ability to own who I am!

It may not be apparent to you!

I may not communicate it!

I don’t have to!

It’s matter for me, me and me too!

I have become able in the ability to own who I am, what I do, how I feel, how I love,

Quietly

In my space

Over, under and inside my processing!

I have become able in the ability to own who I am, what I do, how I feel, how I love!

I have become able in the ability to own My Aura, My Energy, My being!

I have become able in the ability to own all that is Me!

© KLove 21/02/17
All Rights Reserved

#writer #femalenonpoet #biographicwritting #poetry #selflove #selfhealing #artist #feminism #blacklove #mindfulness #mindfulliving #instagood #youngwomen #buildingwomen#buildingus#lovingmentoo #femaleunity #youareok

#investinself#selfloveworkshops #kloveism

So Tired

If the dreams are internal windows

What are the nightmares

Messages?

Warnings?

What is the benefit of the nightmare other than a reminder that the Hunan body can survive on less than 8 hours sleep.

Less than 4. 3 infact!

Or maybe to remind of strength, because when you wake up petrified or gasping for air, or crying, or maybe all of the above, you have to have some kind of strength to close your eyes again right? Knowing that there may be more to come.

© KLove 21/02/17
All Rights Reserved

It Was White

Testing
Testing
Pen check 123
Can you hear me!
It has been so long
Too long, so long, since I have exercised/fed this need.
I wasn’t sure that I would remember/be able to do it!
To write this down, to write it down, to write at all!
Its been so long
I’ve has so much to say, I just didnt know how to remember to say it this way!
The tears are are flowing now, more than the words or maybe against them, like a pacemaker- making sure that i dont quit!
The tears are flowing, one large, hot and heavy drop at a time.
People are looking
I dont care
Isn’t the saying Tea and Sympathy?
Well as this is Starbucks my tears should be welcome here!
I am going to get this out or at least try because I dont know if or when i will be back here again.
These blank pages have never looked or smelt so good!
They have never looked as much as like home as they do today!
They have never resembled the friend that I really need as much as today!
The last thing that I wanted was to open this book and still have his words in my mouth and in my heart!
But they are🙍🏽
(I’m sorry
I feel like I have let you/us down!
I’m so tired
literally but also of all of this here and now!
I can close my eyes and hear the pills and potions feeling again.
or should I say that I have been feeling it for a while, again-( deaths, pending deaths, change but nothing changing, the walls, the doors, the silence, the repetition, the loneliness, the rejection, the embarrsament, the passive anger, the fake smiles, the sleepness nights, the just geting through the days- I have been hearing the feeling again for a while now)
I cant talk to anyone else
silence at the mention of his name
My paranoia is peak
The level of awkwardness is peaking
I could say seeing him is the antagonist
But the reality is that I have seen him everyday in my thoughts and dreams!
So the Physical made little or no difference to the feelings.
It wasn’t the seeing!
He looked well and happy
He didn’t stop
He didn’t try to stop me
He looked on and then drove off!
He didn’t look back
He is/ was gone
That is what it is! what the feelings have attached to
He didn’t stop
He didn’t look back!!!
He is gone
I walked on
As though it was nothing
It was
It was a lot
It was everything!
It wasn’t discussed
Swept under, ignored as though it didn’t/doesn’t matter that he didn’t stop
That after everything and again, He is just gone!
And i’m no longer historically angry, i’m no longer attached to what he has done, what he did,because i can now feel and what i feel is devastated!
Exactly 6 months to the day and at after 7 nearly to the hour that I last saw him! Thats half a year!
Exactly 6 months and nearly to the hour. 28th March to 28th September at devastated PM!
He looked well and happy
I shouldn’t be so surprised
He ought to after all of those months of sucking on My Love- like a leech, sucking me dry!
He ought to look well
That’s what My Love does
It is magic
It Heals
I dont remember what he sounds like
His voice was always my favourite element of him. The part that always I feared losing most and as I am writing I cant hear it.
When did I stop hearing it?
When did I stop noticing that it was fading?
I can still recognise my Love though
And although just a few seconds, I could see that he is still donning it! He wears it well!
In his smile, in his happy looking wellness!
I should want it back, but I dont. He can keep it. He at least will still keep me in some way with him!
He is gone
Again
And this time it is for sure!
I looked back
They didn’t see, neither did He, because he didn’t look back, he was moving forward, onto/in the direction of the next thing!
This time he is gone, driving forward and around onto/in the direction of the next thing, (how fortunate for them!)
healed to an extent, but better after months spent wrapped up in my love, after months spent by me loving love into bruises and chaos and him!
He is finally gone, him and my friend!
He is gone
And my final memory is of the back of a car, driving forward into the distance and in the direction of the next thing!
He is gone.
© KLove 2017
All Rights Reserved

Scratched- (your) Name (is on) That Tune

There are so many lyrics So many melodies and harmonies that sing …. of you.

It seems like just yesterday that I loved you till the end of time! 

That I wanted to dance with you outside in the rain!

That you were my Love song, one of them at least!

That I wanted to rock you eternally!

I thought that I would love you endlessly

It seems like just yesterday that I thought that Love had found its way to me!
I had thought that we would be Lovers!

But 

These tables keep turning

And 

Now the harmonies and melodies sing..

Who the fuck do you think I is?

You really Don’t Know Bout My Crew

Press Triggah We No Press People Button

Bwoy no put yuh hat weh yuh cyaan reach it!

Pussy 

This is a warning warning warning!

The Love songs have got dark because of you!

There are so many lyrics 

So many melodies and harmonies that sing …. of you.

You are not who I can run to when I need love or to fill this empty space with laughter!

You no longer bring me joy

And

Now

After all of this time

After all of these times!

I am weary

All that time spent preparing!

You are clearly not who I should be preparing for

But 

You really did feel like the sweetest thing that I have known

And

As I write the tears are rolling rolling rolling 

And

I feel like I just died

But

I am not liking this ghetto romance

I can no longer stomach this Emotional Roller Coaster- Loving you was never good for Me

You have had me chasing Fools Gold!!

I have to check out of this heartbreak hotel 

But

I can’t get you out of my mind!

And

I still want to give you caramel kisses

No she, can love you like I do! 

It’s amazing that even after all of the all of it

A small part of me still hears the melodies singing…..

Don’t Go!!!

Please stay

I need you here with me!

There are so many lyrics 

So many melodies and harmonies that sing …. of you.

How could you break my heart! – (we went through it all together! You let me down!)

How could you not see past the heaven in my eyes!

You have taken my happy feelings 

We are no longer one!

I’ve got so much things to say right now!

But 

I won’t 

I’ve got to find peace of mind!
In the future you will now want my love 

And

I will sing that you must be out of your fucking mind!

Your Love will always be hustle

And

Although I will always love you

I have no more time for your silly games

You are living in a fools paradise

You can’t be a Man about it!

You can’t see me!

I am Magnificent 

My love is and will always be King!

There are so many lyrics 

So many melodies and harmonies that sing …. of you.

But

You can’t keep this Good Woman Down

You can not negate my Greatness!

I will not Retograde!

I will remember that I am 20ft Tall

I will receive More in Time

Jah Chariot a roll an it nah leave me behind!

© KLove 2017

All Rights Reserved

#writer #femalenonpoet #biographicwritting #poetry #selflove #selfhealing #artist #feminism #blacklove #mindfulness #buildingwomen#buildingus#lovingmentoo#kloveismbrand #kloveism#klovesU

That Dream

That DreamThat dream was intense

My skin is clammy

That dream was immensely graphic 

I’m almost emabarrased to write it

Is it really possible to do that?

Can legs separate that far apart?

Can one a person climax so many more times than once

The thickness was so long

Is that possible?

The potential runs deep

Woke up feeling stretched out with absent heels on my feet!

Wrist feeling like memories of being held hostage!

The body feels tenderised!

That dream was a lot 

In that dream so were we!

© KLove 2017

All Rights Reserved

#writer #femalenonpoet #biographicwritting #poetry #selflove #selfhealing #artist #feminism #blacklove #mindfulness #buildingwomen#buildingus#lovingmentoo#kloveismbrand #kloveism#klovesU