It Will Take A While

When I’m like this it’s funny how i can be so scared but like the feeling
When I’m like this I am scared of the fast pace of my heart

But I like being able to feel the pace because I can feel that it is still beating!

When I’m like this I am scared of what I know is coming, however I welcome it at the same time because I know what comes with it is a release!

When I’m like this I don’t like it, however I know that it is my body clearing the blockage!

When I’m like this I normally count, forwards and backwards to disconnect my power from it, however today I’m not counting, I am not seeking the disconnect, I am holding on to the dizziness and I am rebelling against the/any/my weakness!

Its funny that today is the 1st time that I have noticed that when I am like this I don’t think!

It’s funny that when I am like this I don’t think, yet when I am like this it is because I have been overthinking!

Overthinking and over feeling and over controlling, yet when I am like this I am generally not in control!

Anxiety is an outward display of the contradictions within!

It’s funny how when I am like this I am numb, yet I can feel every feeling, I can hear every sound and despite how slow it all seems, I can see everything in high definition like clarity!

Some times Anxiety is an expression, a response to the entrenched and undeserved sadness and the unrequited love that the Love seeks!

Sometimes Anxiety just is.

It’s funny how despite the internal chaos that the feelings bring, the surrender to it brings with it feelings of peace!

Anxiety is like a looking glass facing in!

© KLove 2017

All Rights Reserved

#writer #femalenonpoet #biographicwritting #poetry #selflove #selfhealing #artist #feminism #blacklove #mindfulness #buildingwomen#buildingus#lovingmentoo#kloveismbrand #kloveism#klovesU

Mood Rings 5: Weakness

I still check my phone for you Every morning 

I check for that once in a while made me smile all day though good morning text

Every so often throughout the day for that random Hi K….a, made my entire day though message 

Every end of the work day, journey home, should be resting in the evening, and several times before sleeping and hoping that I won’t dream about you whilst wanting to because I can just about still remember your face and the bass in your voice and the dreams are now the only time that I see and hear you!

My heart is miserable 

My heart is missing you

My mind less so, it is as usual in conflict with my heart

My mind as usual is addressing the elephant in our room

My mind is asking what in the actual fuck is that you are missing?

My mind is stating that this romanticised version of you is entirely made up!

My mind is reminding my heart of all the times you gave -0 fucks, every time you said words that left it immobile, beatless!

My mind reminds the heart of all of the cold words, of all of the (intentional or not) mind fucks that left it defunct 

My mind is as usual pissed off that the heart will not (Wo)man the fuck up!

My mind reminds the heart that it warned it not fuck with you again because each and every time it has it has only gotten fucked! (and if not in the pleasurable way there isn’t really a benefit so what is the point)

 because it knows that My heart isn’t listening- it never does when it comes to you!

My mind knows that it cannot compete with the Love that is being carried for you!

I still check my phone for you!

I still wait for it to communicate you with me!

My heart is miserable 

My heart is missing you

My mind is pissed

Both can not wait for this moment to pass!
© KLove 2017

All Rights Reserved

#writer #femalenonpoet #biographicwritting #poetry #selflove #selfhealing #artist #feminism #blacklove #mindfulness #buildingwomen#buildingus#lovingmentoo#kloveismbrand #kloveism#klovesU

Mood Rings 5 (Like A Puzzle)

The Love wanted to be expressed and exercised in and as horizontal, diagonal, upright, ontop, it wanted to be bent over!

Was this missing part of the puzzle?

The Love wanted to be non emotional and detached whilst it stuck to you like warm honey on hot skin!

Was this the missing part of the puzzle?

The Love did not want to be soft or meek but wild and loud and aggressive when put into compromising positions!

Was this the missing part of the puzzle?

© KLove 2017

All Rights Reserved

#writer #femalenonpoet #biographicwritting #poetry #selflove #selfhealing #artist #feminism #blacklove #mindfulness #buildingwomen#buildingus#lovingmentoo#kloveismbrand #kloveism#klovesU

Mood Rings (3)- Flatline

I have stated taking picturesI have stared capturing memories 

For them
I have never liked taking pictures

But I have started taking pictures with all of them

Because I don’t know how much longer I have got

Because I don’t know how much longer I am giving myself

My head hurts constantly again

In that way that it once did 

I have stated taking pictures
I have stared capturing memories 

For them
© KLove 2017

All Rights Reserved

#writer #femalenonpoet #biographicwritting #poetry #selflove #selfhealing #artist #feminism #blacklove #mindfulness #buildingwomen#buildingus#lovingmentoo#kloveismbrand #kloveism#klovesU

Mood Rings 4 (Reunited)

I think I’m backI mean the writer in me

I think she is back

She has found her way back to me

She came back literally seconds after you left

Which makes me think that maybe it was you 

It was you all along

You were the one holding my words hostage

You were the one sabotaging my pen 

You were the one that she didn’t want to spend time with!

You should have given me words

But instead you gave me self doubt and pain!

She didn’t know how to write them 

She didn’t want to write them again

So she hid from me, from you 

But you are gone, and she is back

She has come back with new words, and confidence and love for us 

She has given me back my pen!
© KLove 2017

All Rights Reserved

#writer #femalenonpoet #biographicwritting #poetry #selflove #selfhealing #artist #feminism #blacklove #mindfulness #buildingwomen#buildingus#lovingmentoo#kloveismbrand #kloveism#klovesU

Silk and Satin

And I sleep with my head wrapped
In a scarf

Of silk or satin 

To protect and maintain my Crown and my facial Melanin!

Because my name is K of Pauline 

Not Jane of Lyn

Being him of African 

I should not have to explain this

It should not be an issue

It should just be overstood and respected 

© KLove 2017

All Rights Reserved

#writer #femalenonpoet #biographicwritting #poetry #selflove #selfhealing #artist #feminism #blacklove #mindfulness #buildingwomen#buildingus#lovingmentoo#kloveismbrand #kloveism#klovesU

Mood Rings (2) Half of a circle is not whole

I chooseYou

I have been choosing you

I have consistently chosen you over several years 

I have continued to choose you in this present moment 

I will most likely continue to choose you until you break me

I don’t choose to be broken 

But breaking is what you do

Yet I still choose you

That’s what a healer is intended to do

To mend that which is broken

To cease the breaking to continue 

You don’t realise that you need to be chosen to

You are broken

So you break

It is what you have always done

It is all that you know

You are broken

So you break

Even if you don’t mean to

Even though I believe you when you say that you do not intend or want to

You are not not excused

Your breaking is not acceptable 

In order to stop the breaking

You need to be chosen 

Being the me that I am

Being of healing and Love

Because no matter what I Love you

I choose you

As much as it hurts me at times

Despite the less that not enough that you give 

In the Knowing that you are not able or even willing maybe to choose me

Even though others don’t want me to

Despite your best efforts to break me

I choose you

When I am gone (because I will eventually have to leave)

You will understand it

You will be different 

So I continue to choose you 

Always

Against odds

In between years

In silence

In dislike

Soaked with tears

During the nights where thoughts of you rob me of much needed sleep

Amongst but over and above adverse feelings caused by you 

Physically present or not

I choose you

Because I am the I that is me

Because I am of Love and healing 

Because you are you

And I Love you endlessly 

I will always choose you
© KLove 2017

All Rights Reserved

#writer #femalenonpoet #biographicwritting #poetry #selflove #selfhealing #artist #feminism #blacklove #mindfulness #buildingwomen#buildingus#lovingmentoo#kloveismbrand #kloveism#klovesU