It Will Take A While

When I’m like this it’s funny how i can be so scared but like the feeling
When I’m like this I am scared of the fast pace of my heart

But I like being able to feel the pace because I can feel that it is still beating!

When I’m like this I am scared of what I know is coming, however I welcome it at the same time because I know what comes with it is a release!

When I’m like this I don’t like it, however I know that it is my body clearing the blockage!

When I’m like this I normally count, forwards and backwards to disconnect my power from it, however today I’m not counting, I am not seeking the disconnect, I am holding on to the dizziness and I am rebelling against the/any/my weakness!

Its funny that today is the 1st time that I have noticed that when I am like this I don’t think!

It’s funny that when I am like this I don’t think, yet when I am like this it is because I have been overthinking!

Overthinking and over feeling and over controlling, yet when I am like this I am generally not in control!

Anxiety is an outward display of the contradictions within!

It’s funny how when I am like this I am numb, yet I can feel every feeling, I can hear every sound and despite how slow it all seems, I can see everything in high definition like clarity!

Some times Anxiety is an expression, a response to the entrenched and undeserved sadness and the unrequited love that the Love seeks!

Sometimes Anxiety just is.

It’s funny how despite the internal chaos that the feelings bring, the surrender to it brings with it feelings of peace!

Anxiety is like a looking glass facing in!

© KLove 2017

All Rights Reserved

#writer #femalenonpoet #biographicwritting #poetry #selflove #selfhealing #artist #feminism #blacklove #mindfulness #buildingwomen#buildingus#lovingmentoo#kloveismbrand #kloveism#klovesU

Advertisements

Who don’t hear must feel!

He isn’t coming back And he shouldn’t 
He ought not 

He should not have ever looked my way

He should never have spoken to me 

He should not have used his voice to hypnotise me

I ought never have listened

I should have covered both ears 

I should have closed my eyes, all 3

I should have sage’d and sea salted him out of my heart and my memories 

But….

How could I have rid him when he has always been there

When he has been shadowing me

When our paths were destined to cross, eventually

From mutual friends to localities 

Our meeting was always destined

He ought not have pursued it

He, of Him, knowing himself and karmically knowing me, should have used his powers for as opposed to on me

He isn’t coming back this time

I don’t think

I’m not sure

He ought not

But that hasn’t stopped him before

It hasn’t stopped me from welcoming him either

I don’t want him to come back

I don’t want to settle 

For what 

I said no comprising on anything 

For what

I need more

I need better 

I should have it

Why not

I don’t want him to come back

But…. I didn’t want him to leave either 

© KLove 2017

All Rights Reserved

#writer #femalenonpoet #biographicwritting #poetry #selflove #selfhealing #artist #feminism #blacklove #mindfulness #buildingwomen#buildingus#lovingmentoo#kloveismbrand #kloveism#klovesU

Thiefs and Liers!

My energy…..you sucked on it like a long never ending cigarette You seemed to crave it in the same way

Except my energy despite its satisfying addictiveness is not toxic

You wasted so much of it

You ought to have ingested it

Instead You chose to blow it away

What a waste!
© KLove 2017

All Rights Reserved

#writer #femalenonpoet #biographicwritting #poetry #selflove #selfhealing #artist #feminism #blacklove #mindfulness #buildingwomen#buildingus#lovingmentoo#kloveismbrand #kloveism#klovesU

Mood Rings 6: They don’t check in!

Love doesn’t always feel nice

I am love

Neither do I
Love often feels painful and isolating. It causes you to hurt

I am Love

I often feel these feelings

I am love
But…..

I hurt too
I have mastered the art of the the Game Face
But….

This really is not a Game!
I have mastered the art of the smile
But….

If I were asked to prove its credentials I would have nothing genuine to offer! 

It would be unsupported and invalid 
I have mastered the art of being unpresently present!
But….

Most are not close enough to see where I truly am!
I have mastered the art of silence!

Silence is the best discourse to mute judgement and lack of understanding Most do not seek answers

Most do not have accurate questions

Yet most feel qualified to judge
I have mastered the art of loving 

Of loving those who need love

Of loving those who are undeserved of the standard of my love

Most do not appreciate the apple tree effect of their being 

I have mastered the art of loving despite this
But…..

A master 

After years of mastering things

A true master 

has to retire eventually

A master 

After years of mastering things

A true master 

When there is nothing left to truly master 

A master 

A true master 

Knows that it is time to leave!

© KLove 2017

All Rights Reserved

#writer #femalenonpoet #biographicwritting #poetry #selflove #selfhealing #artist #feminism #blacklove #mindfulness #buildingwomen#buildingus#lovingmentoo#kloveismbrand #kloveism#klovesU

Mood Rings 5: Weakness

I still check my phone for you Every morning 

I check for that once in a while made me smile all day though good morning text

Every so often throughout the day for that random Hi K….a, made my entire day though message 

Every end of the work day, journey home, should be resting in the evening, and several times before sleeping and hoping that I won’t dream about you whilst wanting to because I can just about still remember your face and the bass in your voice and the dreams are now the only time that I see and hear you!

My heart is miserable 

My heart is missing you

My mind less so, it is as usual in conflict with my heart

My mind as usual is addressing the elephant in our room

My mind is asking what in the actual fuck is that you are missing?

My mind is stating that this romanticised version of you is entirely made up!

My mind is reminding my heart of all the times you gave -0 fucks, every time you said words that left it immobile, beatless!

My mind reminds the heart of all of the cold words, of all of the (intentional or not) mind fucks that left it defunct 

My mind is as usual pissed off that the heart will not (Wo)man the fuck up!

My mind reminds the heart that it warned it not fuck with you again because each and every time it has it has only gotten fucked! (and if not in the pleasurable way there isn’t really a benefit so what is the point)

My mind is annoyed because it knows that My heart isn’t listening- it never does when it comes to you!

My mind knows that it cannot compete with the Love that is being carried for you!

I still check my phone for you!

I still wait for it to communicate you with me!

My heart is miserable 

My heart is missing you

My mind is pissed

Both can not wait for you and this moment to become historic!
© KLove 2017

All Rights Reserved

#writer #femalenonpoet #biographicwritting #poetry #selflove #selfhealing #artist #feminism #blacklove #mindfulness #buildingwomen#buildingus#lovingmentoo#kloveismbrand #kloveism#klovesU

Mood Rings 5 (Like A Puzzle)

The Love wanted to be expressed and exercised in and as horizontal, diagonal, upright, ontop, it wanted to be bent over!

Was this missing part of the puzzle?

The Love wanted to be non emotional and detached whilst it stuck to you like warm honey on hot skin!

Was this the missing part of the puzzle?

The Love did not want to be soft or meek but wild and loud and aggressive when put into compromising positions!

Was this the missing part of the puzzle?

© KLove 2017

All Rights Reserved

#writer #femalenonpoet #biographicwritting #poetry #selflove #selfhealing #artist #feminism #blacklove #mindfulness #buildingwomen#buildingus#lovingmentoo#kloveismbrand #kloveism#klovesU

Mood Rings (3)- Flatline

I have stated taking picturesI have stared capturing memories 

For them
I have never liked taking pictures

But I have started taking pictures with all of them

Because I don’t know how much longer I have got

Because I don’t know how much longer I am giving myself

My head hurts constantly again

In that way that it once did 

I have stated taking pictures
I have stared capturing memories 

For them
© KLove 2017

All Rights Reserved

#writer #femalenonpoet #biographicwritting #poetry #selflove #selfhealing #artist #feminism #blacklove #mindfulness #buildingwomen#buildingus#lovingmentoo#kloveismbrand #kloveism#klovesU