So Tired

If the dreams are internal windows

What are the nightmares

Messages?

Warnings?

What is the benefit of the nightmare other than a reminder that the Hunan body can survive on less than 8 hours sleep.

Less than 4. 3 infact!

Or maybe to remind of strength, because when you wake up petrified or gasping for air, or crying, or maybe all of the above, you have to have some kind of strength to close your eyes again right? Knowing that there may be more to come.

© KLove 21/02/17
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Sharing is caring!

Life is full of signs signs and more signs!Has been a lot and exhausting lately but I am committed to kloveism! I am committed to spreading Love and assisting and inciting healing! So I continue to share.

This beautiful soul randomly connected with me. She shared and i listened.
Shared words are for sharing!

I shared these words with a light that chose to share with me!
Now I’m sharing them with you as when I read them back I realised that I needed them too!
“I write what I feel because I write as Therapy!

I write my feelings out. Sad, happy, lustful whatever it may be.

We spend a lot of years holding feelings and emotions in because we are conditioned to believe that there is one way.

We don’t want to be seen as sad or feeling, so we as you say “try” not to be sad or feeling.
But that’s not real or healthy.

That is exactly what causes depression and anxiety and escapism in drink and drugs and sex.
We have to engage with our feelings and emotions whatever they may be because they are ours and they are internal so we are entitled to them and entitled to process them as we please!
I’m an introvert (not a fan of labels as I am soul and love not a thing, but some things are easier for people to understand or digest with one I suppose) so sharing does not come easy to me, however I do it to empower others to speak their truth in their way, for them so that they can heal.
It is a reality that life is not always easy.

For some it is harder than most!

There is no shame in honestly and openly expressing this.

In fact it’s quite the opposite.
You have to do what feels right for you.

You know what affects you as much as what waters your growth so just keep doing you!
She reminded me why I started this!

Unbeknownst to her, she reminded me that I have things to finish!!!
You keep going!

Keep doing you.

You are beautiful, blessed,loved and needed!!!! ”
BIG L❤️VE

KLove

© KLove 21/02/17 
All Rights Reserved

#writer #femalenonpoet #biographicwritting #poetry #selflove #selfhealing #artist #feminism #blacklove #mindfulness #mindfulliving #instagood #youngwomen #buildingwomen#buildingus#lovingmentoo #femaleunity #youareok

#investinself#selfloveworkshops #kloveism

IN-Ventory


I have to keep checking in on myself
I am having to repeatedly ask myself If I am ok.

To check that I am keeping it together….

Because currently, presently, in this climate, in these last few months of 9 months of continuous fuckry and fuckers….

It would be all to easy to unravel!

And that’s OK!

To know it, to feel it, to speak it and on it is OK!

I am not here to pretend.

I am in no competition with anyone named Jones!

I am not here to keep up with any falsification or idealism!

I am not here in this space, on this forum, in this time to play games!

I will neither hide nor seek!

I will be

I can only be and speak the truth in and for Me!

Which I have learnt is the same as for us!

I am here to speak and talk on what most wont!

When there is sun and happiness I revel in and under and I spread it like young love on heat!!

So in the same way when there is nonsense and bullshit and anxt, I call it, I speak on it, I engage with and confront because if I don’t…… 

If I don’t I dishonour my Unique!

I have said it before, I will say it again and I will continue to say that positivity is not constant sunshine, smiles and fun!

Positivity is the the decisions that you make, the approach that you take, how you handle and outwardly express and manage the alone, how you walk and find your way in and out of the dark, how you decipher your position when it seems to going terribly wrong!

Positivity is your ability to hold others up when strong is something that has felt void in you for so very long!

© KLove 21/02/17 
All Rights Reserved

#writer #femalenonpoet #biographicwritting #poetry #selflove #selfhealing #artist #feminism #blacklove #mindfulness #mindfulliving #instagood #youngwomen #buildingwomen#buildingus#lovingmentoo #femaleunity #youareok

#investinself#selfloveworkshops #kloveismbrand #kloveismsupport

#klovesyou

So Damn Pretty 

Pretty educatedPretty intelligent 

Pretty prestigious 

Pretty driven

Pretty compassionate 

Pretty loving

Pretty talented

Pretty poetic

Pretty awesome 

Pretty on the inside pretty 

Pretty articulate 

Pretty humble

Pretty kind

Pretty giving 

Pretty learned

Pretty strong

Pretty generous 

Pretty sturdy

Pretty resilient

Pretty reliable 

Pretty dependable 

Pretty supportive 

Pretty good human

Pretty great soul

© KLove 21/02/17

All Rights Reserved

It Was White

Testing
Testing
Pen check 123
Can you hear me!
It has been so long
Too long, so long, since I have exercised/fed this need.
I wasn’t sure that I would remember/be able to do it!
To write this down, to write it down, to write at all!
Its been so long
I’ve has so much to say, I just didnt know how to remember to say it this way!
The tears are are flowing now, more than the words or maybe against them, like a pacemaker- making sure that i dont quit!
The tears are flowing, one large, hot and heavy drop at a time.
People are looking
I dont care
Isn’t the saying Tea and Sympathy?
Well as this is Starbucks my tears should be welcome here!
I am going to get this out or at least try because I dont know if or when i will be back here again.
These blank pages have never looked or smelt so good!
They have never looked as much as like home as they do today!
They have never resembled the friend that I really need as much as today!
The last thing that I wanted was to open this book and still have his words in my mouth and in my heart!
But they are🙍🏽
(I’m sorry
I feel like I have let you/us down!
I’m so tired
literally but also of all of this here and now!
I can close my eyes and hear the pills and potions feeling again.
or should I say that I have been feeling it for a while, again-( deaths, pending deaths, change but nothing changing, the walls, the doors, the silence, the repetition, the loneliness, the rejection, the embarrsament, the passive anger, the fake smiles, the sleepness nights, the just geting through the days- I have been hearing the feeling again for a while now)
I cant talk to anyone else
silence at the mention of his name
My paranoia is peak
The level of awkwardness is peaking
I could say seeing him is the antagonist
But the reality is that I have seen him everyday in my thoughts and dreams!
So the Physical made little or no difference to the feelings.
It wasn’t the seeing!
He looked well and happy
He didn’t stop
He didn’t try to stop me
He looked on and then drove off!
He didn’t look back
He is/ was gone
That is what it is! what the feelings have attached to
He didn’t stop
He didn’t look back!!!
He is gone
I walked on
As though it was nothing
It was
It was a lot
It was everything!
It wasn’t discussed
Swept under, ignored as though it didn’t/doesn’t matter that he didn’t stop
That after everything and again, He is just gone!
And i’m no longer historically angry, i’m no longer attached to what he has done, what he did,because i can now feel and what i feel is devastated!
Exactly 6 months to the day and at after 7 nearly to the hour that I last saw him! Thats half a year!
Exactly 6 months and nearly to the hour. 28th March to 28th September at devastated PM!
He looked well and happy
I shouldn’t be so surprised
He ought to after all of those months of sucking on My Love- like a leech, sucking me dry!
He ought to look well
That’s what My Love does
It is magic
It Heals
I dont remember what he sounds like
His voice was always my favourite element of him. The part that always I feared losing most and as I am writing I cant hear it.
When did I stop hearing it?
When did I stop noticing that it was fading?
I can still recognise my Love though
And although just a few seconds, I could see that he is still donning it! He wears it well!
In his smile, in his happy looking wellness!
I should want it back, but I dont. He can keep it. He at least will still keep me in some way with him!
He is gone
Again
And this time it is for sure!
I looked back
They didn’t see, neither did He, because he didn’t look back, he was moving forward, onto/in the direction of the next thing!
This time he is gone, driving forward and around onto/in the direction of the next thing, (how fortunate for them!)
healed to an extent, but better after months spent wrapped up in my love, after months spent by me loving love into bruises and chaos and him!
He is finally gone, him and my friend!
He is gone
And my final memory is of the back of a car, driving forward into the distance and in the direction of the next thing!
He is gone.
© KLove 2017
All Rights Reserved

The 09th September 2017!

It’s not strange 
I know how it works

The universe works in its own way

You will be where you are meant to be 

You will be removed from where you are not meant to be

You will be where you are needed

As a light worker 

You will always be where you are needed 

And you will be removed where your work is done

It doesn’t always feel nice

It is not always nice not being in control 

Today however 

Today was

I dithered

Tube or train

I dithered 

Now or the next one

Eventually I made the move

Always rushing

Always consumed by rushing

Always consumed!!!!!

And there she was

I get on the tube 

I had stepped on the carriage before her one and got off 

Because this was obviously where I was meant to be

I had a plan of where I would be getting off

Where I should be getting off

But there she was 

She looked so small in the little seat

She was sobbing and her mascara was smeared all over her face

Her tissue looked incompetent and dirty

People can be so British 

They just sit and stare

I was born here but my orgins make that behaviour foreign to me!

I didn’t ask if she was ok

Clearly she wasn’t

I took her hand 

She looked up and smiled

I said

Amazing how no one can see you isn’t it!

I said

I see you!!!

Maybe you need to hear that today

I see you!!

I said

Is funny

You could be me

You are me

This was me just a few days ago

Except I was at a bus stop and I don’t wear make up so no mascara to evidence the turmoil

I said

It’s hard 

I see you

I said

I couldn’t help it

The other day

On any of the days that you have been me

The other day 

I sobbed

It came from nowhere

I cried for Janice 

She died

She is dead

She was 48

I’m 40

I cried for my spirit that is slowly slipping away from me

I cried for the loss of him

He is alive 

But he has left

He just left 

And now he has to be dead to me

That’s kind of worse….

I said 

I cried for the loss of my strength 

I cried because the strength of the pain is sometimes to strong to be muzzled!

No one said a word to me 

I said

They just looked on all British like

So 

I see you I said

She didn’t let go of my hand

You will be ok 

I said

You will

Trust me

I know things 

I wouldn’t be here if you wasn’t meant to know that you will be ok!

She sobbed more

I held onto her hand

I missed several stops

I didn’t even ask her name

It didn’t seem to matter

She was me and I was her so it didn’t seem to matter

I reached into my bag and as I offered her a wet wipe the other one us that had got on and immediately sat on her other side, simultaneously offered a pink petal from a flower

There are no accidents

Who walks around with pink petals in brown hand bags!

She smiled then

She tried to say thank you through the tears 

As I got up to get off I gave her a hug

She held on so tight

I whispered that she will be ok

It will be ok

You are seen 

You are Loved

You are needed 

You will be ok

You will get through this feeling

Maybe not gracefully 

But you will get through it

You are me so if I can you can do the same 

She held on tight

I feel lighter now

Maybe I needed her as much she never knew that she would receive me!

Just when I think I’m empty

I am reminded that I am Love and Love is me!

I cannot be depleted!

I will always be where I am meant to be!

©21/02/17 
All Rights Reserved

Man Up!

She doesn’t know whether they are flashbacks of memories buried deep!

Or whether they are karmic memories manifesting in future visions rubbing up against present feelings!

She knows that if these visions/karmic memories were a colour they would be Red! Cayenne Pepper Red! As deep in texture as the heat!

Hot hands rub coconut oil into his skin!

Flinches as fingers rub against the nape of his neck!

The feeling looks like breath being sucked in between clenched teeth! 

She sucks the same air back out of him and blows it against the very same spot that the fingers had just been!

Inhaling the smell of the coconut oil!

Enjoying the smell of coconut oil infused with dark chocolate!

If the smell had a name it would be:

“She shouldn’t have asked to come in/she shouldn’t have offered to cream him/her fingers work magic/draws slipping”

If his thoughts spoke an action it would be:

“Take those draws off”

Firm it!

Firm is how the feeling is responding!

Focus!

His focus is is rapidly escaping!

She intentionally mixed Argan in with the coconut. The one with Frankincense blended in.

The taste is now sweeter!

The air now feels meditative!

The act is now a meditation!

Torso

Chest

Thighs

Inside thighs 

Firm it!

Legs

Up

Focus!

Hardworking hands busy inside strong thighs!

Focus!

Firm it!

Firm, it still is!

Her setting is no longer on safety!

Stiff

Fingers are not!

Is she supposed to rub it

With the oil?

Is she supposed to rub the oil into it?

His expression sounds like controlled silence!

She feels the full force of his noise!

Firm it!

© KLove 2017

All Rights Reserved