(Approaching 40)-Don’t Look Down)  

I would tell you that you are Everything!

I would tell you that al that is going to happen is for a reason-Even the bad things!

I would tell you that on every day that you feel as though you can’t take anymore you will do just that but more because as much as you may not want to hear it, you are your mothers daughter!

I would tell you that every day that you do another day you will gain strength!

I would tell you to stop calling yourself weak- you are going to live through some terrible things and some terrible people and some terrible happenings! You are going to live through some terrible things that most wouldn’t have the capacity to store, you are going to live through these things in silence for so very long- even though you could have some of the pain inflicted on those who hurt you! You will remain silent and you will manage it; not always in the best way, mostly in a way that hurts you some more; but you will manage it- YOU ARE NOT WEAK!

I would tell you not to listen- to them at least; but if you can’t help it, I would tell you that all of the names, all of the nasty words will give you more strength; it will help so many others one day!

I would tell you that the mirror is a fucking demon! You are not fat, you were not fat or ugly then? You were not skinny and ugly then, you won’t be skinny and ugly later, the mirror is a fucking demon! But….it can only show you what you believe! It can only fuck with you if you let it! It can only fuck with you if you believe it!

I would tell you you not to listen and to close the two human eyes! The right answers are painted in the perfect pictures that the 3rd one holds! You will know what I mean by this then, even if you don’t know now!

I would tell you that you will get out! You will get out but it won’t be easy and it will cost you peace of mind! You are too different and too similar and that’s ok! You will understand that later too!

You will understand that you Love her in your own way too!

I would tell you that two households of strong women with a distinct lack of husbands and fathers and grandfathers will inevitably lead to what you are living through. Strength isn’t always pretty or positive, sometimes strength Is resentment released as anger and poise!

I would tell you that it was never you!

It was never your fault!

I would tell you that he should have been more present, he should have protected you more. So should she. But I would tell you not to judge so harshly! I would tell you to try not be so crushed by it.

I would tell you to try not to let it eat you up inside! You will end up with issues that you will spend too many years and many notebooks trying to exercise!

I would tell you that this too will help others, so keep writing!

I would tell you that I know it’s not your fault, it’s not your choice, but you are growing up too quickly!

You are missing so many things out!

You need to make more male friends so that you know how to distinguish the ones who are not your friends!!!

I would tell you that He isn’t a mistake!

You are so very young but you need him.

He has a great purpose.

You need someone to show you what male love is, what it should feel like!

You need someone to show you what real love feels like and how it feels to be Loved back and more than you give!

I would tell you that sadly He won’t be forever. He is just here to do his part.

Sadly you will only experience his kind of love once!

It is too rare, to strong a love!

You will never fit with someone in the same way either.

It’s not you!

It’s just that No one can Love like the two of you!

I would tell you not to leave him, but that would only because I know what comes next and sadly you can’t skip any steps!

Truth is you will need to leave when you do.

You would have mentally left long before!

You will have to experience and live through even the bad things!

Like the one that is coming next.

Well the one who is coming back actually, from your dreams!

I know everything!!!

The Bad Guy With the Chain!

He won’t love you now!

But he will later!

A different love

He won’t leave

He will be there for you always

He will be worth the pain!

Trust me!

I would tell you that You will have to live through and experience some terrible people and things!

Some will hurt you physically

Some will scar you mentally

But it is all for a reason!!

Trust me!

Even after the one who will place his hands around your neck and put his fingers inside places that require consent; even in those moments when you can’t breath and even though you will always have nightmares and will always be weary of touch, it is all for a greater purpose!

One greater than you!

I’m so sorry, about this and the other one’s. The one’s that wont speak about. The one’s that you will try to make ok with. It’s not ok. You were young. It’s not ok. 

But you will be, give, and show so much love!

You have been chosen to project your pain in a way that only you can!

I’m sorry for what you will have to endure.

But It will help so many others.

Trust me!

I would tell you to take more risks, to live and to laugh more, there is going to be a lot of sadness and a lot of pain, so live and feel more of the good things.

I would tell you that you need to make more friends! Different friends. There are a lot of surprises and dissapointments coming. You will understand this later. They don’t like or get you! So you need to make more friends and do more things, go to more places, you need to live, you will be ok!

I would tell you to stand up for your self more. To tell some people, a lot of people, to Fuck Off!!!. You do not have to be nice all of the time. But I know you won’t, because that isn’t you! You will have two sisters who will do it for you so I’m not worried about you.

I would tell you that you are going to be OK- Your kind of OK. You will eat, you will manage, you won’t ever be the same, but you will be OK!

Trust me!

I would tell you that you need to stay!

Not for anyone else, not for your brother, he is going to be just fine, you need to stay for you!

You are wanted and needed and you will manage!

I would tell you that the car will miss you! it will swerve!

I got you and you aint going out like that!

You won’t swallow those pills and you will not jump!

You can keep going back and you can stand at the edge of as many platforms and watch as many cars as you want!

You are not going out like that!

You are needed and loved!

You need to stay!

I would tell you that they are better off for having been loved by you!

They didn’t stay because they were not meant for you!

I don’t know who is, I haven’t seen that yet, but it wasn’t them!

I would tell you that you are beautiful!

They are not lying when they say it!

They do not live with demons in their mirrors or eyes!

You are beautiful, inside beautiful and outside too!

You will have to learn to ease up on yourself, you are going to make your life so much harder if you don’t!

You need to give yourself some of the time that you will give to countless others so willingly.

I would tell you that loneliness is a Motherfucker and it is going to be a little obsessed with you!

You can’t even comprehend this now, but remember what I have said above, he isn’t forever and they don’t really like you and a lot of things are going to happen so the loneliness will come and it is going to be the cause of some unavoidable and necessary choices as well as pain.

I would tell you that he doesn’t deserve you!

He the later one, not the Him, although neither did he.

He is going to come and go and go and come and each time He will blacken a little bit more of your beautiful GOLD heart!

I would tell you that I know that you think you can, but I don’t think that you can soften his heart! He is Ice Cold! He just wears a beautiful mask!

I would tell you that his inner turmoil is going to hurt you too much!

(You don’t know this yet but your ability to remove and store others pain and scars is a gift that will enhance as the years pass, it is however going to be part of your curse!)

I would tell you that he is going to make you cry and not like any other, He is going to make you shed tears that could match a Tsunami!

You are going to have to stand up to this one.

You are going to have to love yourself more than him.

You are going to have to fight for yourself.

He is going to hurt you, but like the original He and the other two, you will need him in that time.

He will need you more, the reason is for you to teach and heal him, but you will need Him as they all bring greater strength, understanding and lessons!

You will manage, you will teach and you will love without condition!

It will be what is meant at that time, but only for that time!

You will have to stop crying for him sometime.

You will have to let him go.

You may have to ask him to leave!

He will want to keep you.

He will want to keep your love, so you might have to ask him to leave!

You can do it

Trust me!

Trust yourself!

You will be fine!

I don’t know whether He will come back like the times before.

I don’t think that He is the one.

But I haven’t seen that part and I know that like no other He is going to possess your heart!

I would tell you that when you get there, when you get to that number, you must remember to focus on and to hone into all that you have been through and how much of it you have done whilst feeling worse than now!

You will be tired, you will feel like its more of a punishment than an achievement at times!

But I would tell you you that as I look ahead at you I am proud!

I would tell you that you should be proud!

Those 30. 99 years won’t have been easy on you!

But you will and you have managed and in a way that allows you to hold your head high!

I would tell you to hold your head high!

I would tell you that despite how it feels, despite how it makes you feel, despite how you will be made to to feel, you are, you will be, it will be, alright!

© KLove 21/02/17 (somewhere high up in the clouds!)
All Rights Reserved

#writer #femalenonpoet #biographicwritting #poetry #selflove #selfhealing #artist #feminism #blacklove #mindfulness #mindfulliving #instagood #youngwomen #buildingwomen#buildingus#lovingmentoo #femaleunity #youareok

#investinself#selfloveworkshops #kloveismbrand #kloveismsupport

#klovesyou

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