I have been going over and over this decision all week.
It’s a decision that was already decided to be fair.
A decision that I have no control over deciding as there is only this one that can realistically be made!
I don’t like
I don’t want it
I hate it
It has made me physically and emotionally sick all week
It has sat at the bottom of my stomach and pushed up on this constant nausea that I have been feeling
It has like a long evil parasite crawled to the top of my head and strangled molecules and particles so that I have had constant headaches and dizziness
Fuck this Fucking decision
It Fucking sucks and I hate it
But I know that it had to be made
I looked in the mirror this morning and it stared back at me ( the decision)
I could feel the nausea and the dizziness responding to it and the anxiety that it also has been causing
I could see it through my eyes
But I noticed that the colour in them had come back
The light brown and the glow that should reside at the back were there
I looked taller also
I felt taller and straighter
For so long now I have been feeling low, small, bent and broken!
The decision smiled at me
In an in “I’m not your enemy” way
In a way that said “I’ve got your back,
I have to be here, I had to be made,
I have to be seen through, so that you can get back to Loving You!”
© KLove 2017
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