40

Only just realized that his love was what kept the sadness away.

It had always been there,

The sadness

From birth

Through childhood 

Into teens

But when he found me, his love must have banished it because as I am mentally flicking through these memories I can’t see or feel it.

I just see and feel love and good memories despite a few bad times!

There was stress, we were young, he was unwell, I was trying to be all and do all.

But I can see that there was always love!

So much of it that it armoured me from the internal and historical sadness!

The Love must have felt lost and betrayed when he was gone

It had nowhere to display itself

Nothing to rub up on

Nothing to curl into 

The Love wanted him to stay
 But Love you can’t blame me

You went missing for so long that we both thought you didn’t want us anymore!

At least not as one!
Depression delighted when you left!
I associate its second life with the death of you love! Of the love you were in us!
Not because it died 

Because it left me open for all the what’s that came next.

Depression delighted

She still is

She stayed for so long 

She visits everyone now and then, but mainly in the form of deep unexplainable sadness and anxt!

Still delighting that the Love never came back!

That I have never again been loved liked that!

That I said no when his Love tried to reclaim me.

She plays it over and over in my head!

The scene

He got on one knee, he had a ring!

He cried 

He begged and he pleaded!

I refused!

Depression delighted!

That that type of love never came back!

That no other once since has loved me back!

That I have never been loved like that since!

Both she and I know that I never will!

© KLove 2017

All Rights Reserved

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