Fucking Idiot!

Is it true love, or stupidity, or delusions grandieur even?

I believe it’s true love

When you can love someone but watch as they mentally and/or physically love someone else!

And not just watch, but feel it, when you can feel them loving someone else, when you can feel them loving someone else in their speech, in their silence, in their angst, in their tone, in their unsaid words, in their always impacted mood!

I believe it’s true love when you can despite your love and need and want, support them in their loving of someone else!

Someone Not You!

I believe it’s true love when you withhold your feelings and attachmenent to them!

When your  love is bubbling like a hot, angry, rampant, destructive, I’ll tempered lava!

Yet you do not speak it to them, instead you plead with yourself to be quiet as you encourage them and empower them to fight for the love of someone else!

Someone Not You!

I believe it’s true undiluted, ridiculously blind, fucked up love when you suppress and hide and store and choke on your love, so much that it incites a bile to swish to a surface that allows it to feel free and unburdened!

Whilst they love someone else!

Someone Not You!

I believe it’s true yet self destructive, self loathing, disconnected with the beauty and importance and value of self love, when you allow this to happen repeatedly! When you allow them back into your love again, when you allow them access to your love despite knowing them! When you allow them back into your love despite knowing that they will take it, all of it, with no guilt! When you allow them access to your beautiful yet silent love over and over again, and at the expense of better  used tears! And rejection issues that only appear when they are here!

I believe it’s true love when you hide behind the word “friendship” because it is more  palatable and easier to digest than the words ” them no longer being here”! When despite your love being unspoken they would have to be  both sight and hearing impaired not to know that it is there!

And they are Not!

So you know really that they are happy to take and use and love your love with no intention of reciprocation, with no intention of giving you theirs!

Because

Theirs, theirs is reserved for use elsewhere!  

Their love is to be used to love someone else!

SOMEONE NOT YOU!

It’s love!

I know it’s love!

True fucking stupid love!

I just don’t know how to extinguish it, or how to reject it before it becomes the reject!

Because

As much as I know it’s love, I also know that rejection will follow the use of it! It did in the past, it will again!

So that that they can go back to, or go onto loving someone else!

Someone Not You!
© KLove 2017

All Rights Reserved

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