I knew that this would happen
Although I had hoped that it wouldn’t!
I had told myself that I wouldn’t let it.
I knew that it would happen, and I’m now having to cut, swallow and eat the words that I intentionally acted offended by, the words that angered me because I knew them to be true.
It has escalated.
I can hide inside the friend, but the feelings know!
The feelings know that they cannot contain themself for much longer.
The feelings know that the friend is a friend, but is a friend that is and has been keeping secrets and putting hands over the mouth of feelings!
The feelings are no longer taking it laying down, they no longer want to be part of the dishonesty!
The feelings are pushing back hard!
Today they asked the friend how long they plan to attempt to conceal them?, because they are here, they have always been here!
Today they scolded the friend for having always known this!
Today they called the friend slightly deluded and a little naive to think that they can pull this off or get away with it!
Today, the feelings shouted out:
“IT’S GETTING HARD TO BREATHE WHEN I DON’T HEAR THE VOICE”
I think that the feelings were crying a little, I heard the crack in the tone!
Today, the feelings shouted out:
” IT’S GETTING HARD TO BREATHE WHEN I CANT HEAR THE VOICE!, WHEN I CANT HEAR IT I WONDER AND PANICK A LITTLE ABOUT WHERE IT IS AND WHO ELSE IS HEARING IT!”
When I cant hear it I feel deaf, I can’t and don’t want to hear anything else!
When I cant hear it I am starting to feel lost and detached.
Today the feelings slapped the friend across the face!
They did it because they are angry that the friend has done this to them again?
They are angry that the friend has put them in a position where they are most likely to be crushed!
Where they are most likely to be crushed by the absence of the voice again!
Today the feelings whispered that they doubt that they can recover again!
The friend whispered :
” I’m sorry”
The friend whispered:
” I had no choice, I did it for the both of us, I honestly thought that we were stronger, detached, better, I’m sorry”
Now, as I write, the feelings are numb!
The feelings wrote on a piece of paper (because they couldn’t speak it)
” Friend, we are in too deep!, I know it, I can feel it!, we are in too deep, we are going to get hurt, I can’t do this again!
Friend, we are so attached and connected that today the voice was calling and I felt it against my chest, I felt the vibration in my pocket despite the device being across the room, I’m not lying friend, when I looked at the device it was confirmed in red! Friend we are in too deep, I can’t breathe! Friend, I need to tell you and outwardly acknowledge that I have been having visions!, visions of pasts and presents and futures and made memories, visions of our so very long and sought after story.
But worse friend, I am having alarmingly clear visions of skin!, of lips and tongues and tastes and the breathing that occurs when these are connecting. Visions of in between thigh kisses that run up into welcome openings and before or after stomach and large ariola kisses, before lips can no longer do it! Visions of length and rhythmic movement resulting in aftershocks, held breath later released as screams and violent shaking!”
The friend shuddered as the heat climaxed in its rising!
The friend had thought that it was just them. They had been embarrassed to admit that they had been seeing the same feelings.
I mean in this very second
It is dangerously quiet!
As dangerous as what this quiet represents!
Right now, in this dangerous second, the friend and the feelings realise that they are no longer in control of each other, they are no longer in control of each other, they are now competing! They are both too attached to the voice to protect each other from it!
In this very quiet second, the quiet is so dangerous because…..
I think Love just walked back in!
© KLove 2017
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