The feeling

I always feel lonely 

I’m used to that feeling

Lonely and I have an understanding 

But today

Lately

A lot

More frequently 

Today

I feel Alone

The feeling is markedly different

It feels like hollow and empty

It feels like void and numb!

I am not used to this feeling

So I do not know how to process it

I do not know what I am supposed to do with it 

I know that I do not like it!

I know that Mary is dead!

She has been for nearly 2 years now

But

Every now and then

And even though I think about her and mind chat with her everyday

Every now and then

I remember that she is dead

And my heart does this thing where it feels like it has stopped

But it’s beating faster at the same time!

The tears always immediately react

I feel them pushing

But none no long come!

I do not know why today in this Alone feeling I am rembering

I go to the cemetery regularly

It is now an errand to be run

No emotion

So I do not know why today

Amongst this numb and void Alone feeling I am remembering 

And I want to run!

To where though?

Where would I go?

I have no one

And it’s now hitting me

It has just hit home

I am Alone

It isn’t a feeling

It is a fact

It is real

I am Alone

26/06/16
© KLove 2016

All Rights Reserved
Mum

I wrote that randomly a few weeks ago

I haven’t written for so long now

The words don’t come so often anymore

I found it in my bag this evening

I had forgotten that it was there

Strange but not strange that I found it today

I hope that you are ok

So much yet so litte has changed Mum

You can see

I know

You are watching 

I know

I couldn’t keep them together 

I couldn’t keep together with them  I’m sorry!

Mum I see how all those childhood warnings were not the nonsense that I thought

You were right

You can see see I know

You are watching I know

I will be fine

Rest

I have one!

Rest

But please continue to watch over my tomorrows

X

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