I miss You

I want to starve again!

I am trying my best to push past this thought, this feeling, but it is incessant, insistent and persistent. It just keeps coming stronger and stronger each time.

It won’t stop or give up.

I WANT TO STARVE AGAIN!

And I am ANGRY that I CAN’T

I can feel the lethargy and the pain that it brings, when I focus my mind, and that feeling that I get feels real, it feels like a release of pressure, like I have pierced skin, like the 1st cut, and I like it.

I want to starve again.

I need to be in control of something, but also numb to everything externally and internally  bothering me.

Currently I am not in control of anything and the thoughts and feelings that this generates is chaotic and destructive!

I can’t change any of this, I can’t change anything, so……………….I want, I need to feel something other than manic.

I want to starve again and I know that if I go there…..this time….there will be no coming back, no 2nd chances, because ……………when she left, she took my need, my reason, my desire, to fight. I gave up. She/it/the feeling/the pressure, is all I can think about.

I WANT TO STARVE AGAIN!

Even my tears feel it because they refuse to come.

I want to starve again!

But I know that I can’t!
© KLove 2015

All Rights Reserved

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