(Mothers Day- March 15)
Mum (My Beautiful Mary)
There is not day that passes where I do not think about you. Infact I think about you several times per day. And because old habits die hard, I still pray for your well being and safe keeping every night.
I know that you are watching me. I know that you are worried. So am I! But I am ok. My kind of ok. I am doing the best that I can.
I know that you would want me to visit you less, you never liked cemeteries, but for now, these visits (and I know that they are short, it’s just to see you) are how I am able to process, to continue, to be ok, my kind of ok, you do not need to worry, please just rest.
I know that you will not be happy about the lack of cooking taking place, especially on Sundays. I can hear you cussing up da place! But, Sunday’s just don’t feel or mean the same. I know it’s a mind thing, but the smell of the salmon now makes me feel a bit sick, and the smell of the scotch bonett does the same, because I associate theses smells with you. And although not for some some time before you left, historically, Sunday dinner was what we would do. So although I can cook, although cooking is what I do, on Sunday’s, I would rather lie in bed, I do not want to cook anymore.
But today, on this day, in honour of you, (and because I don’t want any visits, you know I wouldn’t be able to handle it) I have cooked, and not just any thing, inspite of the mind and over the matter, I cooked the salmon and the rice and the peas, and I worked with the pepper, and it’s funny how today, the smells were just normal, just food, and comfort, and it tasted even better, I felt better!
You don’t have to worry about me Mum, I have your strength, I wil get better at this, I will do better and be better, in honour of you!
© KLove 2015