I isolate myself sometimes.
A lot of the time.
Most of the time.
I hide out/retreat in this place where it’s just me. And loneliness- she lives there. I just visit. Frequently/ when I need too.
It’s a place where there is no judgement, distress, distrust, adverse feelings of or towards others, no dislike, no feelings of not being good enough, not fitting in, no whispers, no talking behind my back, (which is foolish, cause I have 3 eyes and I see clearly through each) where there is no rejection!
In this place, it is just me! – and loneliness, who lives there too!
It’s a place where loneliness is always waiting for me.
We have such a sharing bond loneliness and I.
We also have a love/hate relationship, and at times we are enemies.
But despite that, loneliness has and will always love me!
Loneliness never leaves, never rejects, never hurts! ( ok- maybe she does this)
She is always there waiting for me.
Despite knowing that she is not always good for me- I love loneliness deeply.
Because it/she is my safe feeling, my safe place, my comfort zone. With loneliness I don’t have to justify or speak, I can just be silent, and insular and Me!
I don’t have to prove anything, or be anyone, or be good enough to fit in. With loneliness I am and can just be Me!
Thishis all that loneliness requires of me.
No questions, no discussions. Loneliness gets Me.
All 3 versions!
There is no agenda, I can just be Me!
Oddly, and although I am aware of the toxicity of our relationship and that danger that comes from allowing myself to at times be held hostage to loneliness, when I am with her, it is more often than not, when I feel most Free!
© KLove 2014