I have watched it so many times.
Yet, this time, for the 1st time, I understood why I have always been so drawn to it. Why it has always been my favourite film.
How is it possible that I watched so many times, yet had never made the connection between her and me?
I had always thought that I what I had connected to was the poetry, the tragedy, the underlying love story.
I do not know how the message has on so many occasions passed me.
I clearly has not been watching with intent, at the right time to connect properly.
Maybe I just wasn’t ready.
But this time, I saw it. I understood that the connection was with her and me. With her poetry, her story, her being, her feeling, her emotion and all that is me. All of this time I had been watching without connection to any of this.
Always in black, living a life so solitary, guard up, closed, boxed in, on account of history; living in fear of being hurt/abandoned again.
That mirror scene! This time I saw and heard what it has before now been trying to speak to me. Because, I was watching her do me! I have been there and done the very same things numerous times you see. Looking into my self until tears spill out of me. I was always sad for her, this time I was sad for me.
Outwardly projecting clam and peace, but inwardly scared, and screaming, and a little angry.
Words being the only real form of release.
Words being the only real means of making sense of any of it.
Hopefully my poem, my book, will end in colour, and with a wide bright eyed smile.
Hopefully, my poem, my book, will end with me getting Lucky!
© KLove 2014