Battle Ground

I have tried , and then tried some more
To forget you.
But I seem unable , unwilling maybe, to expel thoughts of you from my mind.
You are still nearly every thought, nearly every second, nearly every day
Sitting in my mind
Curled around my heart
On the tip of my fingers.

You have kidnapped my smile!

I really wanted/want to win the battle with you, for you.
I thought that if I won you would realise that I had/have enough love for the both of us. I thought that in your defeat you would surrender to my love. You would surrender to the love that I had/have to give.
You are not physically present,
But you manifest regularly, nearly every second, nearly everyday, in these brown eyes of mine.
It really is the craziest battle.
Your heart and your non words and your non presence, verses all of mine.
I should have waived the white flag long ago
Your absence and your silence has over and over again, slain my will, my heart, my words. Fighting a losing battle.
Yet I am still here
Standing steadfast (although you cannot see it)
Refusing to give up
Hell bent on fighting until you squeeze any remaining love, feeling, emotion out of me,
Until you kill my love for you
Only then will I cease to fight.
Because as I have told you before now, true love could never leave, so although you cannot see it, you can not easily be removed from my heart, and I can not easily be removed from your side.
I so badly want to win this battle that I am fighting for you, in my mind.
Admittedly, I am unsure of how this will be possible, when it is you (well my minds version) that that I am fighting with.
If only you could see that I have enough love for the both of us.
Patterns/likes/lifestyles/attitudes can be changed. That’s what K’s love does!
If I was a lesser me, I know that I could have had you, I could have accepted from you a lesser love, so that you could have been mine.
But I loved you from 1st sight,
I could never have knowingly or willingly shared you,
I have not been fooled into thinking that I can play men’s games, have men’s thoughts, or that sharing comes without consequence!
No
I am not that kind.
I could not have just had you for a time,
K’s love only knows lifetimes.
It had/has to be all of you,
All of your heart, all of your mind,
You had/ have to be fully mine.
No meantimes!
K’s love is worth all the time.
Temporary love could not/ can not/ will not, suffice.
So
I stand here, with you in my heart, and I fight.
I fight to keep you in my thoughts,
I fight the hope that wants to leave,
I fight the reality that attacks me so forcefully,
I fight your absence,
I fight your silence,
I fight
Because my heart is not yet ready to give you up.
I fight
Because my heart is convinced that it will be the victor and that with you it will reunite!

© KLove 2013

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