Sometimes I wish that I could just disappear.
Milk carton, face on that ad in the metro, Dorothy no place like home stylee!
Divorce from my family, their BS and negativity.
Just me myself and I, way down under, or way up high. Wherever I am destined. I care not any longer. So over these tears that these stupid friggin people continuously milk from my eyes.
Making me feel guilty for decisions that I have been forced to make, decisions made when I had to push past myself to save myself,
in order to save me, in order to survive.
Why do I have to be constantly dragged into their historical dysfunction and negativity. This shit is and was long before me.
Why do I have to be dragged into their battle which clearly none of them will ever win, and actually, will continue, only to be stopped when they are all laying face down or horizontally.
How many F-in times do I need to tell them about my 99 problems.
F them and their ones!
If I were to tell them anything, it would be this:
“I will not allow you to drag me down with you. I will not be another casualty to this family pattern. Not after all of this work that I have put in.
I AM DONE
On the Kalms again tonight! because you are too selfish to consider what your spiteful and hate filled words would have done. Because you have and are only able to think of yourself, to consider number 1!
I do not like you and for you I do not recognise any Love. Although on account of my biological make up and despite you, I know that deep down there must be some.
In the name of my well being and my sanity, in the name of who I have worked so hard to and continue to strive to become, I EMANCIPATE MYSELF FROM BEING YOUR RELATION!
DO YOU HEAR ME!
I AM MORE THAN FUCKING TIRED, I AM SO FUCKING DONE!
I will say this one last time, so you had better understand, I am NOT interested in any of it, or any of you, except the remaining nephew, my brother, the son and to an extent because she is so intertwined with you all, the Gran one. The dead one must be rolling in his grave, watching who and what you have all become.
When you are visible you disrupt my coping mechanisms! And none of you will be there to help clean up proverbial mess when it hits the fan. It won’t be you. It never has. I will have to pull myself through the shit and the darkness on my own like I have always done.
You have never been here like a family should, I had to raise me and the remaining nephew, my brother, the son. I have had to find my way through this. I TAUGHT MYSELF HOW TO BE A BLACK WOMAN!
If you continue to force your issues and your anger, and your bitterness onto me, I promise you that I will do whatever I have to do to be free.
So, and for the sake of clarity,
Please do not call, text, email, carrier pigeon, please do not even think of me.
I no longer want to be a part of you, or this so called family.
AS OF WHEN THE LAST WORD IS WRITTEN
I RELEASE ME ”
© KLove 2013