When I was growing up I remember my nan always saying “if you lie down then somebody no muss walk pon you” (*if you lie down then its likely that someone will walk over you*)
I didn’t pay much attention to it. I passed it off as another one of those things that she would just say because she was old and didnt understand.
I didn’t know then that she was the wisest woman I knew.
I didn’t understand or appreciate the wisdom in her knowledge or the the hidden warnings within her words.
As I grow older and as I look into my self and attempt to understand and better myself I often find myself reflecting on her numerous catch phrases.
Of late and during this current period of evolution and transformation, this one is on repeat.
I look around me and think more and more that as much as I love some of the people in my life, the time has definitely come for me to either press delete or at least press that pause button.
I look into myself and I realise that for so many years of this life I have put so much of me into these relationships with minimal reciprocation.
I own and understand that this was because I had an overwhelming desire to be liked, to be attached. Always afraid to say no, or to go against the status quo, so desperate for Love, acceptance.
I often feel that whatever music I am listening to in a particular moment is on purpose and gives me a message or even a sentence that I need to hear.
Today Mary told me two things.
1. No more drama
2. Take me as I am or have nothing at all.
So poignant in this moment and on account of the current upset in my spirit.
So today, in this moment, this real, present and stronger version of me says:
this is me,
this is who I am,
this is where I live,
this is what I think,
this is how I feel,
this is what I go through sometimes,
unashamedly, unapologetic, this is me!
Take me as I am, or get those Nikee’s and jog on!
There is no compromise, this is not debatable, I accept all of you, if you cannot accept all of me then this is what it has to be.
Understand that no more will I adapt or be any one other than me.
I will not fall in line, and I will not for the sake of it agree.
I will not hold my tongue when you are hurting yourself, I will be honest with you, because in doing so I am being a true friend as well as being true to me.
I will always Love you, but it becomes more and more apparent that I may have to do so distantly because in this moment I find it very difficult to be about those that are not about me. I have done years of being the go to and will always be there person. Now it’s about me. I am my No 1 priority.
I have long since realised that I do not need anyone’s validation, anyone’s termed and conditioned Love when it suits friendship or family to be me. I was just reluctant to let go. Change was always the enemy.
I can be silent, I can be alone with my thoughts because as messed up as I may feel at times, I understand and I am as much as possible ok with me. It is written on my skin that I am of Love, Light, Evolving Beauty.
However I hardly recognise the you that I currently see. All of this side stepping that your doing is making me dizzy!
I would never to you say any words of hurt, anger, discouragement, that’s not my place, and not me.
I do not believe in speaking words such as these.
So for now and our sakes, it is best that I remain silent and continue my growth in my own space.
Always Love and Light.
© KLove 2013